he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
