She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
