I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dicks are not precious.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
