Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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