I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
