please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
