singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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