Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
its liver damage thursday
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
