sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
