it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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