Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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