So drunk its hurt
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
