Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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