I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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