What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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