Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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