evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
