I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
