Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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