a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
