please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
