she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
