Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
