I smell stomach acid.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
