got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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