There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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