I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
