Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
