if you like me you must not know who I am
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
