Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
