when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
