I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
