he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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