So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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