We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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