I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
