If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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