I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
