if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
