If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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