Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just googled if crying burns calories
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
