I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
