she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
