The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
