smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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