who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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