I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up under a house in Key West
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