So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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