Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
