dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
