I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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