escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
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