I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want nice things and good sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize