i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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