apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
