After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
